The Fear of Change
Let go and allow yourself to blossom.
The Fear of Change
Many years ago, I was bereft after a devastating loss. Depressed by the weight of my existence, as well as its lightness, I was unable to move forwards in life. Filled by overwhelming feelings unlike anything I had ever known. As I tried to grapple my way through it, I cam across these words in a magazine.
“The risk it takes to remain tight closed in a bud is more painful than the risk it takes to bloom. This is the key to freedom.”
When Change Is Hard
At the time, I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect from the life that had opened up before me, but time went on. I cut out the quote and stuck it in my little book of inspiration, where I note down or stick in things that mean something to me, words I read or hear, stories, drawings and postcards. When I started doing this I wasn’t yet able to put them into action or fully access them mentally, but I knew they were there for me.
I stayed closed. I continued to push back against the world, holding on to everything I had been before. I developed a fear of change. Not allowing the natural growth that can arrive after loss, trauma or dramatic change.
I held on to old familiar patterns even though they didn’t help. I was scared to move on. But the image of this tightly closed bud kept popping into my mind. I remained closed, to protect myself, to fend off pain, to stop anything awful ever happening again. Trying to stay closed meant using much energy and more emotional pain.
I pushed against nature, the part of me inside that wanted something more. I told her to be quiet, I was in charge now. I was the flower that wont open; against the natural order of the creative force inside. I was the the bud pushing itself closed instead of letting go and allowing opening and risking future. It is a good thing to protect yourself, thats true, but you can get into control issues which can get out of hand. Sometimes you have to peek your head back out into the world, after the storm has passed.
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When the flower opens, it allowing itself to be seen. To be visited. To be pollinated and then continue the cycle of life. It is only letting go that causes the blossoming. Take some water from the soil and point your leaves towards the sun - the flower version of a self care routine. Find support from someone who cares (there are some around you know, with watering cans too, I found one). Simple things will rebuild courage, including checking for negative thoughts and trying to prove yourself right. I had to brave the world and found that the storm had passed, though there were still winds and rain, and when it is heavy I still take shelter, and carry an umbrella.
It requires no energy, only ease and trust, which can be hard, hence getting support, and self support with a self-care routine to right the wrongs and build up resilience. Relinquish control and let go into the flow. Allowing. Resting. Opening. The natural result is to blossom and for life to go on.
For a taste of letting go life find Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese poem here.
The poster below outlines coping skills to add to your repertoire, and continual use in a regular self care routine will give you all the nourishment you need to ride the storms. These acts of self care are your soil, your sunshine, your watering can. Get in touch if you would like a free A4 printable poster version. of this self-care coping skills sheet to help you and those around you open out.
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