10 Ways to Develop Self Compassion - with Exercises
10 self Compassion Exercises
Self Compassion
Learning self compassion is one of the most overlooked life skills, but also one of the most essential. The world is a tough place, and with so many terrible things happening we need to be strong and resilient to not only add to the difficulty, but perhaps tread the path we want to see in the world, despite our difficulties. Someone like this needs a lot of compassion, and at least some of it must come from within. In this article I outline what is self compassion, what self compassion is not, how does self compassion helps, and how to show yourself self compassion.
What Self Compassion is Not
In our current culture we are somewhat polarised, we spend time on ourselves but not in the right way. We are encouraged to think of ourselves more as an object rather than a human with a heart. Sometimes it can feel more like unhelpful self-pity or rumination, or indulgence in things that actually aren’t ultimately that compassionate. It also isn’t inauthentic marketing of products to buy.
What is Self Compassion?
What we need, is true connection to ourselves, and love. They say that we can’t love another until we love ourselves and that is true. Self-love is foundational, and compassion is often more resonant, as let’s face it, we have all been through a lot. So lets shift into compassion.
Here are some tips and exercises to help you develop self-compassion. You can build these into your daily self-care routine. Grab a pen and paper and a cuppa and put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ for ten minutes.
Self Compassion is part of the Therapy Toolbox Course
Grab a pen and a piece of paper, and turn your phone on ‘do not disturb’ for 10 minutes. I recommend you actually do these exercises. I promise it will be helpful!
10 Ways to Show Yourself Self Compassion
Lovingkindness Meditation
A mindfulness practice from the buddhists - a meditation to meet all experience with a kiss, an attitude of loving kindness. This is my favourite meditation. It means saying to yourself: ‘May I be happy; May I be healthy May I be at peace, May I be loved’. There are other versions and you can practice it towards others. There is a more comprehensive lesson and loving kindness meditation in the Therapy Toolbox Course. It is my all time favourite if you want to learn how to meditate in a simple and effective way.
Acknowledge Your Contributions
Write down the things that you have done that contribute to the world. You may find that you overlook your value. Maybe it’s your kindness towards others, the work you do, or bringing up kids the best way you can. Perhaps you made some food for someone, recycled, and took things to the charity shop. The world needs someone like you. You donated to charity? You paid tax? You bought something from a small business? You made someone feel at ease? You spoke up for someone more vulnerable than you?
You can also count not causing harm - if you resist more destructive elements of your psyche, simply not acting on horrible impulses deserves acknowledgement, even if only quietly to yourself. Pat yourself on the back for that too.
Small Acts of Self Care
You light a candle for someone you lost, and acknowledge that you have had that loss, rather than burying it away. This is an act of self compassion. Make yourself a cup of tea, take a bath, tidy a drawer, fold your knickers so you feel joy when you see them. Put your feet up when the work is done. Do the work too, work that is important to you. Pay your bills on time and eat small amounts of chocolate regularly.
Write Your Wins
Grab a piece of paper and write down your wins. I bet in your life you have a few wins under your belt. Exams passed, jobs won, you pulled a ‘catch’, even though it didn’t work out in the end. Maybe your sports days were more successful than mine. Remember good days you had with friends, the time you made them all laugh. Write down all your wins and drink them in. That was all you!
Start a Gratitude Practice
You may have heard of the negativity bias. This is the fact that our brain will look for the negative, a rate of six time higher than it looks for the positive. To override your minds bias remind yourself of all the wonderful things you are grateful for. Thinking of six will combat the negativity bias, but three will do for now. This act of gently correcting the bias is growing your self compassion muscle. There is a free gratitude prompts download if you are stuck, and practicing Gratitude is one of the lessons in the Therapy Toolbox Course, with a lovely meditation to help you.
You are Doing your Best
Remember that you, and all of us, are doing our best. Given the life and experiences that you had, how could anything be different to how it is now? You are doing well. Write a note to yourself to say thanks for doing your best.
Imagine a Compassionate Person
If you struggle with self-compassion, hold in mind a compassionate person. Someone you know or perhaps someone famous, like Mother Teresa or Piers Morgan (joke). Invent a compassionate person like that, and give them a name and image. Imagine and write what they would they say to you if they were sitting with you now. Now think of two more things they will say to you and let it sink in. What qualities do they have, what is their energy like?
That Was You
You know this person you just invented? Thats you. You can’t make something up out of nowhere. That person already exists in your mind, those qualities, those words. You made them, they are a part of you. Let them run your inner dialogue as often as possible.
Be Kind to Yourself
I mean to you! The universe wanted you in it, that is why you were born. For the sake of the universe, if not for yourself and those that love you, be kind to yourself. Make an effort to say a kind word to yourself at least once a day, and work you way up to once a minute.
Remind Yourself Who You Are
Keep your writing from today somewhere safe, because it is important and you mustn’t forget all this. Pin the paper to your fridge. Carry it in your pocket and stick it under your pillow. Look at it, and add to it, regularly.
Download 20 Journaling Prompts to Change your Life.
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